Obsession Can Save A Pirate
by xNightcatx
Summary: Jack Sparrow is cursed! And the only one who can save him is an obsessive fangirl from the 21st century. BUT...things take an unexpected turn. ONESHOT somewhat of a parody, Plz review. No Pairings.


**A/N: Hi! Well, I just gave it a shot, said what the heck and wrote this thing. I'm sure there's room for improvement, but that'll be at a time when my muse isn't stubborn and I'm not feeling lazy. Please review, or I'll become even more lazy, haha.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them, buy them for me! and a pony! buy me a pony too!**

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**Obsession Can Save A Pirate**

The _Black Pearl_ was waiting in the shallows, as a rowboat made its way upriver to Tia Dalma's Swamp. Captain Jack Sparrow sat up front as a quiet Anamaria and Gibbs rowed rather quickly. Anamaria would've gladly whacked Jack upside the head with the oar when he ordered them to row while he'd sit and do nothing, but she figured he already had a bad headache and it would be extremely cruel to give him another. What had Jack Sparrow vexed this time? Only a curse.

**--X—**

"Emily! Get a move on!" Emily Hawk's boss called out from the movie theatre lobby. It always got on Ms. Hudson's nerves when Emily stopped sweeping the floor to stare at a promotional poster for her favorite movie of all time; Pirates of the Caribbean. Tonight Emily was specially enchanted by the many posters of her idols because Ms. Hudson had let her see the last of the PoTC movies tonight. It was almost time and Emily was ecstatic. "You know what, just forget it." Ms. Hudson said impatiently "Just leave the broom in the back and go see your silly movie"

"Thank you so much!" Emily broke into a run, and stopped by painfully colliding with the door where they had cleaning supplies stacked up. She entered the room, remembering that Ms. Hudson liked to keep the brooms at the very back. Just as Emily left her broom with the other few, she heard the door close with a soft "click" suggesting it had been locked. Before she could even panic, she disappeared into nothing.

**--X—**

"The payment is fair" the Voodoo Priestess had said upon seeing the wooden box and its shiny contents set in front of her on the table. "Lucky Jack, I do have a solution to your problem" she said in her Jamaican accent with an inky grin.

"Didn't expect less from you" Jack said, his replying grin was of a nervous sort.

Tia Dalma took a clay bowl and filled it up with crab claws. She then offered it to Sparrow who stared at it for a moment, questioningly. "You don't want me to eat that, do you?"

"No, take a handful with your left hand" she explained "and keep a hold of them tight"

"That sounds easy enough" Jack muttered, and did as he was told.

Tia Dalma then put the bowl aside and took a medallion from the open box Jack had brought as payment. She closed her hands around it, and muttered inaudible words into it. Then, she placed it carefully on the table. Anamaria and Gibbs watched carefully standing opposite them, their silence made it clear they were following Jack's every twitch and Tia Dalma's every word.

"Now," Tia Dalma spoke "Cast the claws to determine what type of cure you need and I shall fetch it for you"

"What's the medallion for?" Jack asked.

"In case you need one of them Chosen Ones" Tia Dalma answered.

"A what?"

"Cast or leave" she snapped. Jack gave her a look, but closed his mouth and with a deep breath, he released the crab claws and let them fall onto the surface of the table.

Tia Dalma leaned forward and "read" them intently with a furrowed brow. After a moment of thick silence as they waited for her evaluation, she sat back with a satisfied grin.

"Well?" Jack said impatiently with another slight twitch.

"You need a magic lass"

"A magic glass?" Gibbs asked, interested.

"No, a magic lass" replied Tia Dalma "A girl not from these ages, a girl who can devote her life to foolish things. I can find that Chosen One for you, Jack"

"I'd be grateful if you did it now" His small smile was again a nervous twitching one. He was running out of time, the curse could devour him completely in moment's time and did not need long explanations from anyone.

But Tia Dalma didn't care about that, and slowly rose, retreating to the back room and pulling out a crimson red blanket. With slow steps, she came back, and covered her chair with the blanket. "Come forth to this world and deliver your caller!" She took one of Jack's casting crab claws and threw it at the chair. The claw disappeared upon colliding with the chair, and the blanket rose, taking shape as if a person were underneath it.

Tia Dalma took the medallion from the table and tossed away the blanket, revealing a beautiful girl. She was so lovely, with blonde-white long hair and a nice tan. She was slender, and oddly-clothed. Her eyes opened once Tia Dalma placed the medallion around the girl's neck. They were a sight to behold; beautiful orbs of violet under long eyelashes. She sat up, startled, and looked wildly at her surroundings, her hair whipping around as she did.

Tia Dalma offered her a pleasant smile "Welcome, Emily Hawk. Don't remove it" she said as the girl's hands touched the medallion in wonder "If you remove the medallion, you'll go back to your own world."

"Jack Sparrow?" Emily gasped.

"He needs you" Tia Dalma told her "A curse has been placed upon the captain, and only you can help remove it." As she said this, Jack gave a small yelp and his eye twitched mildly. Anamaria came to his side and placed an assuring hand on his shoulder, but that only made him jump in surprise.

"What do I need to do?" Emily asked, staring at Jack.

"You must stay with him, go to an unusual place and remove the curse with what you find there" Tia Dalma explained dramatically.

"To think, I was standing inside a supplies closet" Emily laughed to herself. "This is better than sweeping. It's a dream come true! It's real, right?"

"Yes, yes it is" Jack answered, offering to the newcomer a twitchy smile. "Ready then, Miss Hawk?"

"Yeah" Emily stopped, "Omygod! The premiere! _At World's End_ starts really soon! Sorry, bye now!" and she took off the medallion, and disappeared to return to her world.

Jack looked at Tia Dalma almost pleadingly, and she only shrugged casually "That never happens"

"What now?" Jack's lip quivered slightly.

"I still keep my payment" Tia Dalma said, slapping the wooden box shut and taking it away from the three pirates.

"But I'm still cursed!" Jack retorted.

"I said I'd find you a cure, Sparrow, and I did" Tia Dalma snapped back.

"She didn't help!"

"I never said she'd help for sure" Tia Dalma said with a small smile "Have a nice day, Captain"

Jack was speechless, and white, really white. He emitted odd gibberish sounds, stopping as his eyes rolled back and fainted. The Legendary Captain Jack Sparrow lay unconscious on Tia Dalma's floor, Anamaria and Gibbs standing by with shocked expressions and Tia Dalma in the back room hiding away her small fortune she had made while humming a rather familiar tune for those who had seen the second pirate movie.

Alas, an obsessive PoTC fangirl did not help our beloved Captain rid of his curse, because she was so devoted to POTC that she did not wish to miss her opportunity to see the third and final movie. So, Captain Sparrow died and a lot of fangirls killed the author for giving him a death that only took 3 words. But guess what? The author is immortal! nyah nyah!

THE END

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**A/N: Meh, not that good is it? Hmm wonder if I really want to improve it? Nay, not at least this year. Review, k? Thanks.**


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